• Kristina Bergsten

Victims of Domestic Violence Facing Domestic Violence Charges: How to Take the Power Back

Are you a victim of domestic violence, yet find yourself in handcuffs facing criminal charges while your abuser smiles smugly behind your back?

(1) "Domestic violence" means an act or threatened act of violence upon a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship. "Domestic violence" also includes any other crime against a person, or against property, including an animal, or any municipal ordinance violation against a person, or against property, including an animal, when used as a method of coercion, control, punishment, intimidation, or revenge directed against a person with whom the actor is or has been involved in an intimate relationship. Colorado Revised Code 18-6-800.3.

It is surprising how easily abusers can manipulate the system to make it appear that they are the victims, when in reality they are the perpetrators of daily crimes against your body, your mind, and your sanity.

Typically, the scenario plays out like this:

The police arrive to your door to a scene of chaos and tension. You immediately quiet down and are afraid, or you are still hysterical and are afraid - but you are not sure who you are more afraid of: the police or him. He, however, is calm and even welcomes the police into the home. The police immediately respond to him because he is talking to them calmly while you are still trying to pull yourself together. He claims that you flew off the handle, that you attacked him, that you started the fight and that he was merely defending himself against your irrational attack. The police look at you and you do not know what to say because you are shocked by his lies and you are afraid that if you argue with him... things will be even worse later. And you still love him; you would never do anything to hurt him. And you start to think, "maybe I did get a little angrier than I should have;" "I did slap him, but only because he punched me and tried to pin me down;" "I saw him texting that girl he promised he would not text any more and grabbed his phone." Your honesty and willingness to protect your abuser results in you being taken to jail by the police.

I know the inner minds of abusers and I know how to expose them for what they are. It is not an easy fight; but neither is the life you have been living. It will take a lot of time and emotional investment to fight his lies and manipulations, but as long as you are strong enough to see the fight through, I will fight for you. It is not just about winning and losing; it is about taking the power back and restoring your sanity, your self-esteem, and your self-worth.